Today | Personal

"I so do not hate you."
Caleb, coming up with a "new" way to say "I love you."
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There are days that you realize how much you love your person.  I've never been one to say or even "get" the phrase "I fall more in love with you everyday."  Maybe that's just me.  I don't mind that other people say it or mean it.  I love Caleb everyday.  Better and sweeter still, he loves me every day - and that's a life-changing, weird, "how do I get to be this girl?" experience.  But then those days come.  And you just... yeah.  You feel love for them so much more than you ever have before.  That doesn't happen "everyday" for me.  But when it happens, I really feel like I'm "falling in love" all over again and not experiencing actual life and I just have to bake him muffins and take pictures of him and daydream at my desk and... tell someone.    

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“And I want to play hide-and-seek,
and give you my clothes,
and tell you I like your shoes,
and sit on the steps while you take a bath,
and massage your neck and kiss your feet,
and hold your hand,
and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food,
and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day,
and type up your letters and carry your boxes,
and laugh at your paranoia,
and give you tapes you don't listen to,
and watch great films and watch terrible films,
and complain about the radio,
and take pictures of you when you're sleeping,
and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish,
and take you to the eye hospital,
and not laugh at your jokes,
and want to see you in the morning but let you sleep for a while,
and tell you how much I love your hair,
and sit on the steps 'till your neighbour comes home,
and sit on the steps waiting till you come home,
and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early,
and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me,
and look at your photos,
and wish I'd known you forever,
and tell you you're gorgeous,
and hug you when you're anxious,
and hold you when you hurt,
and want you when I smell you,
and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not,
and smother you in the night,
and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't,
and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh,
and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest dove who flew across the ocean because she loved you,
and write poems for you,
and want to buy you a kitten because it'd be funny,
and keep you in bed when you have to go,
and cry like a baby when you finally do,
and get rid of the roaches,
and buy you presents you don't want,
and wander the city thinking of you,
and want what you want,
and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you,
and tell you the worst of me,
and try to give you the best of me,
and answer your questions when I'd rather not,
and tell you the truth when I really don't want to,
and try to be honest because I know it's best,
and try to get closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort,
and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse,
and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, on-going love I have for you.”