Carlotta | Pastor's Girl Ponderings Portraits

and the world's like a science
and i'm like a secret

lingering still - she&him
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I'm calling her bluff in the poker game of personal online portrayal.  If you've had the breath-easy bliss of reading the blog of Carlotta, you'd know a number of facts, and you may even come to quite a few educated guesses, about her. photo carlotta_blog_pastors_girls7of19.jpg
Thoughtful, deep, intoverted, esoteric, wide-eyed and poetic.  We come to her blog and find calm, everyday beauty.  Well-constructed sentences without many exclamation points or smiley faces.  The colors are neutral, the patterns are non-existent and the fonts are classic.  No hot pink and polka-dotted for this girl.  People ask if she ever has a bad day?! Because life appears so perfect!  Her mind seems as interesting and full of treats as her attic-like bedroom we love to see pictures of.  We probably imagine her waking up, with lips that smell like hyacinths and armpits that smell like bookstores, and starting the day by just staring out the window for a few minutes, blinking slowly and breathing silently.  With a handmade knit throw dripping off her bed, she probably lifts an original German leather notebook off her thrifted nightstand, flows down the stairs with perfect posture and creates prayers of sweet happiness in calligraphy, while eating curds and whey.
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She has us fooled.

Bravo, Carlotta, bravo!

When I drove up to the Tiev's household, the first thing I saw was the neighbors house.  Four little mangy-headed, bare-footed, beautiful small women, fumbling with a sign and screeching "GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! GIRL SCOUT COOKIES FOR SALE!"  I recognized a couple of their faces.  They waved and watched me park. "Is she buying some? I think she is.  Maybe." was written all over their smooth faces.  (I did buy some, by the way.)  Carlotta was standing across the street and ran to meet me.  She kind of tripped and we oddly hugged.  Her voice was much kid-d-ier than I thought it would be.
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Yes, she is just as stunning in person as she is online.  So.  Don't make yourself feel better about that.  She is just extraordinary.  Our day together began with a tour of the house, meeting her family, and seeing the new chickens.  Then she showed me all over Tulsa.  Her church.  Her favorite cafe.  A hotel Britney Spears and Lady GaGa stayed at.  Underground tunnels.  Gelatto.  The "hipster" area.

She got lost (nearly) constantly.  She left me in an elevator.  She took me through some parking garages (by mistake).  She dripped gelatto in her hair and washed her hands with my ice (I offered, for the record.)   She talked on and on about different projects she started on and never finished.  She got her skirt stuck in her barstool at lunch and chided herself playfully "WHY am I so awkward?!"  She talked and chatted and joked and zoned-out and goofed and skipped and slouched.  And I finally said "You are SO different than you seem online!"  She laughed, that beautiful, real, knowing laugh of hers.  She looked just like MiMi on the side of the road behind a picnic table full of primary colored cookie boxes.
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"Yeah, I know.  I really do have deep thoughts!  And I'm very careful about what I put online.  I don't know... I don't want to look back someday and be like 'Ew, gross!' or, like, have a potential boss find some crazy things about me on the internet.  Yeah.  I don't know.  My blog is me.  Like, a part of me.  I just have to sit down and write and think about it - I'm not like that all the time."
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Hear me out: she is educated, sickeningly discerning, very lovely - in word, action and thought, gentle, mysterious and quite well-rounded.
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However.  She is a ITSSOFLUFFYIAMGONNADIE goofball.  She has colorful stories to tell, and a cheesy sense of humor, and is sometimes "slow" to get sarcasm, and does a great money-walk... and tries to steal money (um. yeah.  Ask her about it ;).  She seems far older than her age.  In fact, all day I felt like she was older than me.  But she somehow pulls off "seeming older" with this weird little girl crazy.  Like, I would say "She seems like a 24 year old with a 10 year old's personality."  As opposed to "She is a very mature 17 year old, who seems more like she's going on 30."

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She carries herself with grace and gladness and giddy.  She isn't misrepresenting herself on her blog - that girl and that mind is very much a part of her.  The whole Anthro-come-to-life thing is there.  It's just not all.  And I for one found myself more amused than "philosophically inspired."  She is so much fun.  She's hilarious!  She's a ham!  She's truly great.  
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So, please, by all means.  Keep reading and loving her blog.  Keep being amazed at her ideas, taste, language and online journal.  And know that behind those posts, sitting behind a screen, somewhere in Tulsa, is a kooky, bilingual, chaos-and-calm, whippersnapper, doll of a girl, who is more herself than most adults you'd ever meet.
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You're a keeper, Carlotta.  Don't get used to hearing it: you're rare.  And brilliantly memorable.  Especially when it comes to driving directions ;)