I love reflecting.
I remember things very, very well and I love to remember them.
I love how songs, clothes, smells, places, faces and even words can instantly land me back in a very specific moment or time in life.
I love to remember where I was,
what I wanted,
and then what actually happened.
It's honestly crazy to me.
Crazy how people have dreams, or goals, or even just expectations for the future.
About work.
About friendships.
About marriage.
About family.
About travel or culture or politics or art.
{i love you}
I think most people would be honest and say "Yes, I have an idea where I'd like to go in the future."
God bless those who are c-c-craaAazy ambitious and huge dreamers, constantly being inspired to go further, see more and set lofty and possibly even scary goals.
God bless the folks who are simple.
Their dreams are that life would continue just like it is now.
Most of us lie somewhere in between "crazyHUGEdreams" and "I want nothing to change."
But we all have things we want, and since we are humans, we usually do what we can to get what we want.
{only went to the beach twice this year. boo.}
Lets say, for example, I really want "A."
Lets say, for example, I really want "A."
That's my dream: A.
(fill in the "A":
degree in American History,
new Calvin Klein dress,
husband,
certain weight,
medical results,
part-time job,
the perfect hair color,
salary, Chipotle for dinner,
whatever!)
And I've figured out that in order to get A, I need to do 1, 2 and 3.
So off I set in life, headed to finish 1, so I can cross-off 2, so I can complete 3, so I can finally have A.
{sometime all that matters in life is fruit snacks and princess coloring books}
In between "doing what I need to do to get what I want" life unfolds.
In between "doing what I need to do to get what I want" life unfolds.
It's like a laundry room.
Some folded, some knotted. Some clean, some dirty.
Some lovely garments, some hideous ones.
Some fresh Lavender Field smells, some shocking B.O. from a field smell.
Some wet, some hot, some damp, some not.
Welcome!
(But make sure you fold my socks the right way.)
{And sometimes instruction manuals just aren't that helpful and you still have to figure it out yourself.}
Life can be extravagantly more then I ever could have tried to plan or dream!
Life can be extravagantly more then I ever could have tried to plan or dream!
And life can rudely be much duller and heavy then I ever wanted.
"This was NOT what I had planned."
Que random European musician:
"You'd better be prepared to be surprised."
{And SOMEtimes, only rarely though, you will go running and come home and find a diaper by your door.}
As CS Lewis popularly describes:
As CS Lewis popularly describes:
"Stop…regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'real' life.
The truth is that what one calls 'the interruptions' are precisely one's real life --
the very life that God is sending day by day."
This is what I learned in 2010.
Have your dreams. Get excited about them. Make them simple. Or make them extraordinary!
Get emotional about them - feel for them, invest in them, look forward to them.
Have an "A."
And don't waste that vision or excitement!
Create a 1.
And then a 2.
And then a 3.
And then get ready to be surprised.
Get ready for mismatched socks,
B's instead of A's,
imperfect hair color,
tears,
and sing along to the song.
{Yes. I bought shoes with the Curlz font in them.
And, yes, I overused the Hipstamatic ap. Please don't judge me.}
This is life, in all it's changing, imperfect, sudden, emotional glory.
And, yes, I overused the Hipstamatic ap. Please don't judge me.}
This is life, in all it's changing, imperfect, sudden, emotional glory.
And when the plans change,
and when you don't get what you want,
and when it's broken,
when it's full,
when it's different,
when it's new,
I've learned to get just as excited.
"Yes, the Lord will give what is good." Psalm 85:12
"The Lord of hosts has sworn 'As I have planned it, so it shall be." Isaiah 14:24
(Oh the security in those two sentences. Blessed assurance.)
I'm learning to love not being in control.
I hate it.
But I love it.
I love that this past year
I went to Florida and got stuck because Maryland was blizzarding,
I got stuck on my deck three times because I have no brain (I am asking The Wizard for one, though.)
I went to Europe for the first time and was detained, finger-printed and mug-shot-ted,
that I cut my bangs wrong and they looked pre-school-y for a while there,
that I lost my favorite boot (I have one, but can't find the other!),
that I moved in all alone to an apartment and spent the night before my 21 birthday packing up my bedroom and eatin' pretzels,
that I met dozens of people who until this year I didn't even know existed and now they are part of my life in some way,
that my family lives in a completely different sunny state and I'm not with them,
that I still don't fit into my "skinny-goal jeans",
and that life didn't go at all how I planned.
I laughed.
I cried.
I felt little.
I felt much.
I ate. (and ate.)
I tried.
I failed.
I was loved.
Life was life.
It was harder.
But it was better!
It was the life God gave me!
I can't wait to see how I'll be surprised in 2011. I really can't :D
I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk about walking
Dare shall be carried
"Meet your new road!"
We will talk about walking
Dare shall be carried
"Meet your new road!"
Happy New Year!