but none of them ever felt very permanent.
I always had the feeling that we were just one fight away from breaking up,
or that I was just one mistake away from ruining things.
There was just no sense of 'we'll get through this together'.
When I met Jeff, things were different from the start.
Although I didn't know Jeff as a friend before we started dating,
he was my friend from the start.
Where I normally would have analyzed every phone call, text, and date,
I didn't have to
-- he always let me know where he was in his feelings for me.
Here's the thing about Jeff:
In the ENTIRE time I've known him,
he has never once pushed me away in ANY way.
He is a constant, steadfast, brilliant presence in my life.
I had no idea that it was possible to love someone
and so clearly.
And I had no idea it was possible to be loved the same way back...
I felt so securely in love…I had no misgivings, iffy-ness, or nerves about marrying Jeff.”
A favorite quote of mine is this anononymously spoken one:
"True courage is not the absence of fear –
but the willingness to proceed in spite of it."
Being a man is scary.
Being a leader is scary.
I know it is.
And opening yourself up to a man is scary.
And this is coming from a girl who has never been in love,
and is never been in a true, committed "relationship."
And I think it's scary, so I can't imagine what it must be like ;)
But there is constant, calm, bold, steadfast, secure confidence (or "courage" or "bravery")
I'd love in a man.
Not a man who isn't afraid.
Not a man who doesn't feel emotion.
Not a robot who simply operates.
But a man who IS afraid,
yet proceeds in spite of it.
Who will lay his heart on the line,
take that risk and fear,
to protect me.
Who will bear the burden of fear,
and lead me through it.
Not pass the burden on to me.
It's hard to be a man.
And marriage is a miracle.
I don't know how anyone does it.
And I know there are moments of weakness,
moments where raw emotion comes out
and I'll "be strong and brave" for my guy.
But the over-all character quality? 9 times out of 10, he should be brave.
Who will take my hand,
and lead the way to a Rock greater and safer then ourselves.
David said to Saul,
“Let no man's heart fail because of Goliath. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”
Saul said to David,
“You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth!”
David said to Saul,
“Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”
The Philistine cursed David.
“Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field."
David said to the Philistine,
“You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel... For the battle is the Lord's, and He will give you into our hand.”
I don't think for a second that David's heart wasn't racing out of his chest,
beating like a tribal drum,
stomach churning into itself.
But he acted brave,
despite what he felt.
He could have died.
Like many others had at the hand of Goliath.
But something needed to be done.
Someone needed to brave.
So David did it.
But the battle was the Lords,
Being brave is much easier when you know the Lord.
(to be continued...)