AJ's Birth Story | Maryland Birth Photography

"I CAN SEE A LOT OF LIFE IN YOU,

I CAN SEE A LOT OF BRIGHT IN YOU."

sufjan stevens

Ever since I got texts, a few weeks apart, that these two best friends were pregnant, I planned the following collage.  Two mamas, then two mamas and the first baby born, and then two mamas with the second baby born.  2, 2 + 1 = 3, 3 + 1 = 4.  In the picture of the four of them I wanted to have the babies in matching outfits.  But these pictures go 2, 3...3.  3 + 1 = 3.  No, that's not right.  But that's the point: it's wrong.  This place we breathe is wrong; death is wrong.  Families should never be pulled apart, tears should never fall.

"Yes, weep and grieve until the Spirit is poured down on us from above 
and the badlands desert grows crops, becoming fertile fields and forests. 
Justice will move into the desert.  

Right will build a home in the fertile field. 

And where there is Right, there will be Peace.  

And the promise of Right: joyous lives and endless trust. 
My people will live in a peaceful houses, in quiet gardens.  
You will enjoy a blessed life, planting well-watered fields and gardens."
Isaiah 32:15 The Message

"I CAN SEE A BED AND MAKE IT, TOO.

I CAN SEE A FIRESIDE TURN BLUE."

Soon and very soon even the sniffles and empty arms will be muffled and filled.  Until then, we have the shade of some sturdy, broad redwoods, covering us and giving us cool rest.  Sometimes Justice moves in the crook of your elbow -- "... loosing the pangs of death, giving back life, because it was not possible for him to be held down by the grave."  Life triumphs once again, little battles in this Earth War (spoiler alert: Life wins).  When a fertile field is a fertile woman, and a quiet garden is a 12x20 birth room at Shady Grove Hospital (where a Baby Fruit was ripe), you only look forward to the destruction of the badlands evermore.  Right will build a home, and no child shall be missing.

The look of compassion and care in one best friend to the other.  An unruly little tongue.  Laughter in between contractions.  Kisses on the head from a sensitive midwife.  The first push.  Grown adults weeping together.  Sleepy peepers (coming into this world is hard work, you know).  Labor being over.   Fat arms.  Being known.   A very fast labor (less than an hour after checking into the hospital we met a little boy).  Hospital ice chips.  Grandparents in the lobby.  Sharing our very selves.

"You will cry, but your grief will turn to joy.

A woman giving birth to a child has pain;

 but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that her child is here.

So with you: Now is your time of grief, 

but I will see you again and you will rejoice, 

and no one will take away your joy."

I'm grateful for all the things Baby AJ is to me, but especially how he gives me the gift of Safe Joy.  I see and hold him, think of him throughout the day, and clearly see his place in this story.  He has brought us so much happiness.  He's brought with him a bundle of heaven, a gift from Right.

(Becca: you are beyond strong and the definition of kindred love.  AJ has no idea what lot in life he got dealt by being able to be raised and loved by you.  I can see a lot of life in you.)

Mommy + Buddy Portraits | Maternity + Family

"She sings the tune without the words  And never stops - at all." Emily Dickinson Four Septembers ago I was figuring out airplane tickets to visit Oklahoma for the first time and Becca was pregnant.  I didn't know it.  I hadn't met Caleb yet.  I had some from friends in the middle of the country I wanted to visit.  Right before my trip I got an e-mail from Becca.  She and her husband were my small-group leaders at church and all of us young'ins' loved to inquire and tease about their someday-baby.  This potential child was affectionately named "Bacon" by us.  After four or five years of marriage, there was a Bacon.  And after all this time!  She was in Oklahoma!  And we weren't altogether to celebrate!  It had been a long haul, but a soul was made and lived inside the caves of my good friend.  But I didn't know any of this...  
...Until I got Becca's e-mail, right before my trip, after Bacon had already gone to heaven.  We hadn't really considered a miscarriage.  Somehow when it takes a "little longer" to get pregnant it doesn't seem fair that those mama's should miscarry.   (Of course it never seems "fair."  Souls and human life don't come and go like making a football team.)  She was sad, but gracious and full of Becca-kindness.  She said she was grateful a friend was coming to town so she and Dre wouldn't feel quite so alone.  He was their Apple Seed Baby, small and good.  He was and is missed.  
For Christmas that year I bought Becca a silver apple-necklace (the size of the fruit's seed).  The month that Caleb asked me to be his girlfriend was the month we found out about a Baby Bear, Apple Seed's little brother.  Caleb moved to Maryland and we helped assemble IKEA furniture and fold clothes for Baby Behr's nursery.  The night he was born Caleb and I slept on the hospital floor.  I was the second friend to meet and hold him.  On our wedding day Behr was a chubby, sweet ring-bearer.  10 months later Behr slept on the same hospital floor while Becca helped us through my labor with Rowdy.
By that Christmas there was a Tiny Baby, little brother to Apple Seed and Big Boy Behr.   Becca and Dre were back to Oklahoma for work.  Meanwhile my mom was closing her chapter in this world, and when she died a sick, pregnant Becca flew back to Maryland with Behr (who wore a dragon costume to my mom's funeral) to be there for me.  A few weeks later, in Oklahoma, Caleb and I found out there was a Baby Ryan.  I was so excited to be pregnant with my best friends (Janet was pregnant, too, with Bobby.)  We all three talked about being huge and bloated at the county fair, newborn Halloween costumes and "three little turkey's" at Thanksgiving.  But before our dreams had a chance to match reality, both Bobby Boy and Ryan Day went to heaven with their buddy, Apple Seed (all being dotingly cared for by Mama Bear, I'm sure).  We weren't pregnant together anymore.  There would be no "triplet" pictures during the holidays.  Now all three of us had babies in heaven.  
Caleb and I buried our baby in Oklahoma, a few nights ago we sent up balloons on Bobby's due date, and now we all wait.  We all wait to meet Tiny Baby.  He's shows us the stubbornness of hope, the gift of anticipation.  But any story points to the story behind it.  And the story behind Tiny Baby is a  big one.   Today I want to make a big deal about his mother.  
She's the Friend of Friends, Giver of Givers.  She has been juggling fire-pins and keeping more than one family going.  She works part-time on top of being a full-time supporter, break-giver, human-grower, wife, listening-ear, and mourner.  Her little Behr Boy loves her, and is an intelligent, creative, weird, chatty lovebug.   They have such a playful, strong relationship.  They really are friends.  In the middle of all the chaos this year has been, she methodically saved pennies and dreamed ideas to make her son a special new room before the baby comes.  There isn't a single item in his space that doesn't have meaning and heart behind it.  "I go to prepare a place for you."  (Oh.  And when I lived with Dre and Becca while Caleb and I were dating, this was my bedroom.  See?  Stories intersect everywhere.)
It was only right to do something a little different than formal maternity pictures.  Instead Dre wanted pictures of the special relationship and big love Becca and Behr share.  Here's to new stories, the thing with feathers, heritage, heaven, tear soup, outie-belly-buttons, hazelnut eyes, hazelnut coffee, bacon, washi tape and mama's with their little boys.
“Sometimes it doesn't occur to boys that their mother was ever young and pretty.  I couldn't stand it if you boys were inconsiderate, or thought of her as if she were just somebody who looked after you.  You see I was very much in love with your mother, and I know there's nobody like her...” (Willa Cather, My Ántonia) "And sore must be the storm  That could abash the little Bird  That kept so many warm."

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Six Weeks of Behr {Baby Photography + Personal}

This is the main man on campus, Behr.  He's large and in charge.  Known as BehrBehr, Behrly, Barely There, Son, Monk, Chipmunk and Little Dre.  He attracts fans in droves.  He is a big deal around here.  So popular.

Though we all fight for his heart, love and snuggles, no one can replace his favorite friend, his best friend: the bedroom ceiling fan.As Bedroom Fan dances, Behr waves hello! "Hey! Hey you! I like you a loooot.  A lot a lot!"  He coos, he  reaches, he kicks... ... he sneezes.
Thaaaat's embarrassing.  Don't worry Behr Man, you were just excited and got a little worked up.  It happens to the best of us.  Bedroom Fan will understand.  "But where did Bedroom Fan go?  I'm just a noisy, childish weight in this friendship.  And I party-fouled all over the place.  Humiliating."Look! Behrly...See?  Bedroom Fan is back!  Waving again! Bedroom Fan does think you are cool after all!  You have not been forsaken, you have not been left by Bedroom Fan.  Look up! Lift your eyes!A man and his Fan, it's a beautiful thing.  The end.
On a more gushy note, I love all of Behr's little self.  From his birthmark on his finger, to his Cabbage-Patch-doll arms, to his very strong legs, his fantastically shaped mouth, his stubby perfect nose, his neck rolls, his side rolls, his thigh rolls, and that big basin of a baby belly - I love it all.  I miss him in the morning before he is "up" and I'm addicted to seeing his new faces and skills throughout the day.

Hey you.
You are very cute.  And very loved.  And so silly.  And you probably will never love me as much as I love you (or as much as you love Bedroom Fan) but you make me smile a lot, so we'll keep you around.

Dre + Becca {Maryland Maternity Photography}

sail away with me honey

i put my heart in your hands

sail away with me

what will be will be

i wanna hold you now

david gray | sail away

My housemates, landlords, best friends, and just all-around wonderful Kless' wanted to get some pictures taken of these last few weeks (or days?) before we meet Little Man.  Though Dre made quite a mockery of my profession, we managed to have a great time ;)  I love every single member of this little family!  I just can't wait to meet all of them ;)


 Dre's mocking laughter.  Followed by Becca's loving correction.  Good job Becs.



Up next in the Baby Kless saga is his nursery reveal ;)  And then hopefully pictures of the day he is born!